


Loose Strings and Strawberry Milk

by flowersandfairylights



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentioned Jeon Wonwoo, Mentioned Lee Seokmin | DK, Mentioned Xu Ming Hao | The8, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Seungkwan, Other, Polyamorous Character, Supportive 95 line, Supportive Hansol Vernon Chwe, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28162383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersandfairylights/pseuds/flowersandfairylights
Summary: They have been nervous for a while now. Seungkwan had tried to speak about their struggles with their gender to their best friend, but somewhere along the way they got stuck. Vernon was an absolute sweetheart and Seungkwan knew they could confide in him, yet there was still this nagging doubt at the back of their mind.Seungkwan realised they were nonbinary, but how do they tell their best friend? With a bit of help and an overload of emotions they manage. Somehow.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Loose Strings and Strawberry Milk

**Author's Note:**

> The song Vernon sings is Liberated by NIve! I recommend checking out the song. 
> 
> This was written on a whim, not beta read and somehow 4k words long. 
> 
> Enjoy this mess I created. I started it at 3am and finished it at the same time 3 days later.

They have been nervous for a while now. Seungkwan had tried to speak about their struggles with their gender to their best friend, but somewhere along the way they got stuck. Vernon was an absolute sweetheart and Seungkwan knew they could confide in him, yet there was still this nagging doubt at the back of their mind. Seungkwan has always loved Vernon, his big smile, his idiotic behaviour, the things he did on impulse. The two were close ever since they met in their second year of middle school. Vernon had just moved from America, looking like a lost puppy.

Seungkwan was quick to catch the younger, and talk to him. The two became easily best friends, always supporting each other. That's also why they quickly agreed to not hold any secrets. It was just after Vernon had told his story and why he had moved back to Korea, Seungkwan holding him and hugging him until they both stopped crying.

That's why the nagging at the back of Seungkwan's mind wouldn't quit. They tried to look as nonchalant as possible when they looked back over to Vernon.

The two were sitting in Vernon's room, blankets thrown everywhere and an empty cola bottle on the floor. Seungkwan was resting their head on the other's shoulder and Vernon's hand played with the soft pink locks of hair. Seungkwan had dyed their hair this colour recently after Vernon had suddenly got the idea to dye their hair. He had bought three bottles. Black for himself and bleach with a light pink dye for Seungkwan.

"Kwannie? We should sleep."  
"You're right Nonnie."  
"You go and lay down okay? I'm going to clean up. Sleep well bro." 

Seungkwan cringed inwardly at the term. They knew it wasn't meant that way but it still made them doubt themselves over and over again.

"I will Nonnie. Goodnight."  
"Goodnight."

Vernon gave the older a slight peck on the forehead and threaded his hand through their hair again as well. Until Seungkwan's eyes closed and they were finally getting some rest. Vernon still knew how to smell distress from the other. He was curious what was running through their mind.

The thing Seungkwan forgot about, and definitely a thing Vernon hadn't prepared for, was Seungkwan's journal still laying out in the open on Vernon's desk. Vernon knew Seungkwan had a diary they often used and always respected them for having it. This is why Seungkwan often used their journal even when close to the younger. Usually Seungkwan would close it when they were finished.

While Vernon tried to discreetly put it away and not focus on anything that was written in it he had seen his own name and a term he was familiar with. It was written in the English alphabet as well, along all the lines of Korean it stood out.

_ I want to try and tell Vernon that I'm non-binary sometimes. He's been so supportive overall and I know that he is friends with Seungcheol who is also dating someone using a different set of pronouns. If I am correct his boyfriend is a demi boy. I'm so afraid though- _

Vernon heard something fall that got him out of his thoughts. He later realised that he had dropped the journal himself.

Fuck. Fuck fuck. He wasn't supposed to know this, his best friend was supposed to tell him with time. He felt bad now, that he couldn't support Seungkwan in this, that Seungkwan felt so afraid, but there was nothing he could do. He promptly put the diary back in Seungkwan's backpack before walking down the stairs and getting a glass of water.

Calm down, accept, treat Seungkwan like normal and show your support when possible.

That seemed like the best option for now. He cringed at himself as he realised how often he called Seungkwan his bro and how uncomfortable that might've felt. He had to take a moment to take it in. He accepted Seungkwan 200 percent, he always has. They had talked about their sexuality struggles, Vernon had listened, they had talked about the difficult situation with their dad, Vernon had a shoulder to cry on. The other way around as well. When Vernon told them about the hardships he had in America, the way he was bullied. How he thought he was pansexual. Through Vernon’s embarrassing emo-phase he still hadn’t fully escaped. They were there together, always, side by side. 

Their common friends always teased them about it. Seokmin and Minghao always teased Seungkwan and Vernon’s own friends Wonwoo and Seungcheol never let him live it down either. When he was with them he always had to hear the rhetorical questions if he missed  _ his Seungkwan _ . He would simply answer that he was hanging out with them because ‘his’ Kwannie was busy with his (their) own friends. 

Vernon took another glass of water, calming his breathing before walking back up the stairs. He felt calmed knowing what bothered the older, regardless how he had broken Seungkwan’s trust and privacy. Now he could at least help them in subtle ways, he could stop calling Seungkwan bro. With that thought he got in bed besides the pink haired boy- person and fell asleep rather quickly.

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The next week Seungkwan was pacing nervously in front of one of the senior year classes waiting for a certain person with long hair and their two boyfriends. They had asked Seungcheol where they would be after their last hour. They had finally gathered the courage to ask and they knew Seungcheol better than Jeonghan and Joshua. 

A minute passed as they watched most students file out of the class. Not a second later they felt a slight tug at their hand. Looking up Seungkwan was met with long hair and sparkling brown eyes. The demiboy assured them with his eyes that whatever was on Seungkwan’s mind they could talk about it. Jeonghan looked like he cared, even if they didn’t know the younger. There was something incredibly comforting.

“Let’s go somewhere private shall we?” Jeonghan asked softly.

Seungkwan looked up and saw Seungcheol and another boy (Joshua probably, his mind reminded him) looking at them reassuringly as well. Seungkwan followed the three towards one of the music rooms as they sat down with them. They were shaking slightly, unsure how to start, what to ask for, what to tell them. They just wanted to speak to someone about it. It was something they had kept inside for so long and now that the guilt about Vernon started nagging them, they needed to get it out. The three wouldn’t judge them, they assured themself. They shouldn’t even have to worry about Vernon as he is close friends with Seungcheol and has always accepted him and his two boyfriends. Seungcheol, Joshua and Jeonghan were in a poly relationship, Jeonghan was a demiboy, using two sets of pronouns, and openly so, Seungkwan should be safe. Seungcheol had to bark away the bullies at first but he was intimidating enough that through the years nobody dared to lay a hand on Joshua or Jeonghan. If they did they were sure to end with a broken jaw and multiple bruises everywhere. 

“Hey Seungkwan, are you alright?” Joshua asked softly. “I have some tea here, take this.” The boy handed Seungkwan a paper cup with hot liquid and they took a moment to regain control of themselves.    
“Yeah.” Seungkwan let out a shaky breath. “I just have a struggle I haven’t talked about and I didn’t know where I could safely. Well until I thought of you, but most importantly Jeonghan.”   
“What is the problem Seungkwan-ah?”   
“You have Vernon usually so this must have to do with him.” Seungcheol supplied.

Seungkwan took another shaky breath. Jeonghan looked at Joshua. It seemed the two had a silent conversation as Joshua moved back towards Seungcheol. Jeonghan softly grabbed Seungkwan’s hand and crouched to meet their eyes.

“I have some questions- well more like struggles, with my gender identity and I feel really shitty for not telling Vernon about it but I am scared.”   
“Well, to start this off Kwannie.” The nickname made Seungkwan weirdly feel at ease. “What pronouns do you use?”   
“They them.” They whispered softly. “But no one knows.”

Jeonghan kept holding the other's hands, rubbing circles. Trying to calm Seungkwan.

“That’s why you came to me.”   
“Yeah.”   
“You know you’re beautiful the way you are, right? Kwan, whether you’re a he, a she, a they, hell if you use neopronouns. You are incredibly cute and your cheeks are adorable.” Jeonghan said reassuringly.   
“Even if you don’t know us well, we support you.” Joshua added softly with a smile as Seungkwan looked up.   
“Vernon will love you regardless. He always has.” Seungcheol said, smiling a little brighter. “He never shuts up about you. I can tell you that much. You’re safe here.” 

Seungkwan smiled, not noticing the tears rolling over their cheeks until Joshua handed them a tissue. They tried to smile genuinely, letting their seniors know how much they appreciate them. 

“You’re always safe with us Kwan. We all love you.”   
“They’re strong, aren’t they?” Jeonghan said to Joshua, giving Seungkwan a tiny bit of gender euphoria. A sense they were accepted for who they are.  
“Thank you. Really.” Seungkwan said between their tears. “I still have the problem of how I tell Vernon about it. A- and I still have my doubts.” 

Jeonghan immediately spoke up.

“He accepted me, he knew me before I came out. He quite quickly got used to the changing of pronouns. I know it’s not the same for you, you have been best friends for years, but if there is one person I know is able to adjust to a situation it is Vernon. He is so accepting and open, he acts on impulse, is a little reckless but you know the way he loves like no other.”   
“He truly loves you Seungkwan. Take it from me. Ever since he joined the hip hop unit in the music club he has been telling me about the stories you created together, the idiotic things he got you to do. He perhaps loves you more than his clumsy heart can comprehend.” Seungcheol followed again.   
“It’s scary, and it is up to you when and how you do it. If you need our help we’re all here. If you need anything else you can ask us as well. We're here for you Kwan. You can trust us."   
“Together with Vernon, I am sure of that.”   
“Thanks hyungs. Thanks Jeonghan. I hope we can be closer friends in the future.”

Seungkwan said softly before trying to stand up and grab their backpack. They were held back by a hug. When Seungkwan looked back around they saw Joshua’s eyes shimmer happily. 

“We’ll treat you to dinner. Come on. Seungcheol’s car is waiting.”

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Vernon kept thinking back to Seungkwan’s cute cheeks and the way he wants them to be happy. He had been practicing gender neutral terms and they/them pronouns when he was thinking about his best friend in his head and everything slowly started to click. He tried his best not to slip up and let Seungkwan know that he knew and for now it was going great. 

The Monday back at school Seungkwan had seemed very anxious and Vernon just held their hand during lunch. Trying to silently calm the older down. Seungkwan had said something about a project with seniors that was eating them up and Vernon tried to believe Seungkwan as much as possible. He just let them be as they ate their lunch in silence. Minghao looked over at Seungkwan worried as well. Seungkwan had assured them it was with Seungcheol so he would be safe. Vernon could only think about the two devils Choi Seungcheol brought along with him. But specifically one disguised as Yoon Jeonghan. Sweet, he was definitely sweet, but incredibly good at teasing you. He was a little  _ too  _ good at deceiving. 

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The week flew by and then suddenly came Friday. Vernon was waiting on Seungkwan in front of the school gates but the older of the two just walked past him like he didn’t exist. Vernon thought something might’ve happened and tried to quickly catch up with them but when he tried to speak Seungkwan just waved him away with a little ‘ _ please’  _ that was heartbreaking to hear. It was pleading. Vernon halted, letting the other get away. Something was wrong but Seungkwan needed to be alone. Apparently.

_ Vernon just hoped Minghao or Seokmin was there to catch them. _

He was sure it had nothing to do with him? Or had he slipped up the past week or over text and did Seungkwan realise he knew? Doubts started filling his mind as he made his way to his first class. Seungkwan kept swimming around in his mind. He missed them, their morning hug, the way they always seemed so happy to see him. It has only been a mere 12 hours since he saw them last? What was wrong with him.

He worried about Seungkwan for the rest of the day. He sat alone at lunch. Seungkwan was sitting with Jeonghan, Joshua and Seungcheol. The first having an arm slung over Seungkwan. He sighed deeply, not being hungry and being even more worried than ever.

On the other side of the cafeteria two deer eyes saw the younger breaking himself down. The boy contemplated going over but decided to speak up instead.

“Kwannie, Vernon is breaking himself up over you. I think you should talk to him.” Joshua broke the conversation between Jeonghan and Seungkwan.   
“But how?”   
“Well, you’re planning on telling him tonight because it’s your movie night and it’s close to autumn break, right? Just tell him that you’re just feeling a little down but that you’re very excited for tonight.”    
“It’s the truth isn't it?” Seungcheol said. “Vernon seems really worried. He doesn’t deserve to be ignored for something he didn’t do.”  
“I guess you are right. I feel that he thinks he has done something.”

Seungkwan was about to move across the cafeteria but suddenly saw Wonwoo standing in front of them.

“Uhm, Seungkwan?”

An inhuman noise left their mouth at the panic they saw in Wonwoo’s eyes.

“Vernon is crying.”

Silence fell over the table. Wonwoo just looked back over his shoulder before glancing back at Seungkwan. 

“Please do something, it’s been ages since it’s been this bad.” 

Seungkwan felt guilty. More than guilty. They felt horrible. They didn’t hesitate before crossing over to the other side and enveloping the younger in a hug. Vernon looked up at them and tried to seem unbothered, tried to smile, but all Seungkwan did was shield him from prying eyes and grabbing his face in their hands. They cleaned Vernon’s tears with their shirtsleeves before pulling him back into their embrace. Vernon silently put one earbud in Seungkwan’s ear and the two were sitting there. They just hugged each other. Listening to music and losing themselves in it. They both knew they had a free period the next hour anyway.

Sinking in the familiar arms, Vernon let himself go. He almost didn’t register Seungkwan pulling the ear bud out of his ear before facing the younger again. They moved Vernon’s black hair away from his face and smiled softly. They were still nervous but Vernon didn’t deserve any of what Seungkwan did. Vernon was easily worried. He cared a lot for those around him. Sometimes looking aloof when he doesn’t want to admit it but Seungkwan knew better. Although Seungkwan sometimes didn’t want to admit it to themselves they were definitely a special case in Vernon’s book. The two were inseparable anyway.

“I’m so sorry Nonnie. I don’t know what was coming over me this morning. I am just feeling really bad right now. I am worried about something and ignored you for no reason.”   
“It’s fine Kwan.”   
“It’s not. You’re crying Nonnie, you barely ever cry in public. I am sorry.”   
“It’s fine.” Vernon repeated again, smiling softly. Seungkwan’s frown didn’t disappear.   
“It really isn’t and I was being a shitty friend. I’ll make up for it this evening during movie night okay? And we should play some more Mario Kart on your old Wii.” Seungkwan laughed. “May the best one win Rainbow Road.”  
“Oh god I  _ suck  _ at that level. And. You. Know. That.” Vernon emphasised, pressing his finger jokingly on the others chest. “Idiot.” Vernon said before smiling and hugging Seungkwan again. 

The two spend the rest of the day teasing each other, Seungkwan forcing themself to let go for a little. They could worry more when the moment was there.  _ There was no reason to worry anyway. Vernon loves you, perhaps more than his clumsy heart can comprehend. _

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Vernon smiled at his best friend when they were standing on his porch, eyes shiny, hands folded and nervous. He had an idea why Seungkwan was acting this way and it was maybe making him more giddy then he liked to admit. He wanted Seungkwan to be able to fully be themselves when they were with Vernon and the thought of finally treating Seungkwan like how they wanted to be treated would make him really happy.

Deep in his heart he definitely knew why. He had liked them, for years now, but the realisation only came during the crying fit that he had in the cantine earlier that day. When he was alone and he missed his Kwannie. In more ways than just one. 

“Come inside Kwan, we don’t want you freezing your majesty.” Vernon did an idiotic bow, making Seungkwan laugh. They relaxed their body before stepping inside.

_ Exactly what I hoped would happen. _

The rest of the evening went by with a batch of burnt nachos, a second successful one, cuddles and animation movies. When they were watching Big Hero 6 Vernon started crying and climbed into Seungkwan’s lap. Making their heart race in their chest. Vernon smiled up with tears in his eyes, grabbing some more caramel popcorn to munch on while he had tears running down his cheeks. Seungkwan giggled a little, hoping Vernon didn’t feel the way their heart was racing. Seungkwan had brought the popcorn with them, knowing it was Vernon’s favourite. 

“You’re a big baby, you know that Nonnie?”   
“Shh Kwan, at least I don’t cry over crappy romantic tropes.”   
“Shut it Chwe, they were parted for way too long due to the war.”  
“Love you too idiot.” 

Vernon stayed silent but Seungkwan didn’t seem to notice the way the other tensed. They were too caught up in observing Vernon’s new guitar. His sister had gotten it for him after she had heard him play on their father’s old one for years now. The strings of that guitar were threatening to just fall off. Sofia had wanted to give him the guitar anyway, it was really pretty and she thought it fitted Vernon well. With a little help from their mother she had bought it.

It was incredibly pretty, dark wood and steel string, a shiny lacquer finish. Sofia asked what she should engrave in it and Vernon didn’t hesitate before answering. Vernon smiled at the memory. Looking at the engravement Seungkwan didn’t know about.

_ “BSK.HVC.” Silence fell over them in the music shop. “He is the reason I have never given up. Not after everything that happened in America.” _

Seungkwan urged Vernon to play and he got shaken out of the thought. Going through  _ I’m Yours  _ by  _ Jason Mraz  _ to  _ hostage  _ by  _ Billie Eilish _ . Seungkwan’s voice was absolutely beautiful. Vernon started crying halfway through. Every note Seungkwan sang, their voice ringing through his body, it hit him. He was utterly lost in everything Seungkwan.

“You should sing again Nonnie. It’s been a while since I heard your voice.” Seungkwan smiled softly, wiping Vernon’s tears away like they had done earlier that day.    
“You know I don’t like my voice.”   
“It’s really pretty. I like it. Please Vernon, I wanna hear it.” They pouted, leaving Vernon defenseless. 

“Fine. But only one song.”

_ “I see that you're feeling down  
_ _ Oh life can get so complicated  
_ _ Emotional elevators, they always seem to bring you down  
_ _ I see the fire  
_ _ Inside your eyes  
_ _ I’m feeling all of you  
_ _ Don’t need to hide  
_ _ From letting go  
_ _ You know I’m here for you” _

Vernon continued, closing his eyes and focussing on himself. At the last sentence he opened his eyes and was met with a crying Seungkwan. He quickly got rid of the guitar in his lap and put it besides him on the couch. Motioning to Seungkwan to come closer.

“I- Vern, I-” Seungkwan hiccuped.   
“Take your time Kwan, it’s okay.”   
“I need to tell you something. That’s why I was so distant.” Seungkwan managed to get out.   
“I’m here Kwannie. Whatever it is I’ll help you.” Vernon made sure to make eye contact. Both usually really disliked it but Vernon needed to know if Seungkwan got his message.   
“The song you just sang told me enough. I don’t know if you noticed but you cried again as well when you reached the end.” Seungkwan smiled softly again. They felt calmer than before.

A silence passed between them. Vernon softly nudged Seungkwan to continue talking.

“I am non-binary Nonnie. I- I had been struggling with it for so long and I didn’t know how to tell you I definitely trust you it was just this weird thing that blew up in my head and I couldn’t make sense of it-” 

Seungkwan broke down again. Tears flowing for the so maniest time.

“What are your pronouns Kwannie?” 

This took Seungkwan out of his tumbling thoughts. The endless what-if’s stopped immediately.

“What?”   
“What are your pronouns Kwan, so I can get them right.” Vernon repeated softly.   
‘You- What? I tell this, this big thing and this is your only reaction? No screaming, no madness?”    
“No, why would I?” Vernon said, genuinely confused.    
“I don’t know!? We promised to tell each other everything but I held this back from you for long. I only managed to tell you now AND you’re just taking it?”   
“We’re friends regardless and if you had to figure something out on your own before pulling me along in it then that’s fine. Sometimes we need to sort ourselves first before we can open up to someone. It’s totally fine Kwan. You’re my royalty now. My pal. My dear friend.”   


Seungkwan smiled before looking back up, eyes glistening with happiness, their cheeks puffy and red from crying. 

“It’s they/them, I use they/them.”   
“Then they are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. And  _ they’re  _ right in front of me.”

Both smiled at each other again. Another row of soft smiles, both giddy. Vernon still had one thing to accomplish. lost in what step to take next he saw Seungkwan eyeing the guitar.

“Vernon.” Their voice was serious.   
“Yes?” Vernon tried to be as neutral as possible.   
“Are those my initials?” Seungkwan sounded so surprised and Vernon almost forgot about the guitar.  
“You’re the only reason I didn’t give up playing when I moved here. I have told you about how alone I was in America right?” Seungkwan nodded. “I was bullied for being mixed, I only had my music left but almost got torn away from that after this mandatory school talent show. I wanted to play a song and sing. I got cursed out while on stage and had to be escorted out by multiple teachers while I was crying and screaming. I was only 11. I couldn’t deal with it, didn’t know what I felt. I could comprehend from a young age why I was  _ different _ . But I always hated it, tried my best to fit in until I stopped caring. First year middle school was hell and then my mum decided it was enough and we moved to Korea. I almost gave up on music. But you truly showed interest and made me love it again. You made me love again in general.” 

_ I like- scrap that _

_ I love you Kwannie. _

The words were still left unsaid. 

“I don’t want you to cry again Kwan, we’ve seen enough tears today.” He smiled weakly.   
“I love you Vernon.” Vernon's heart was beating out of his chest.   
“I love you too Seungkwan.”

And to Vernon’s surprise he didn’t take the initiative, it was something he didn’t predict at all.

“Can I kiss you Nonnie?” Vernon took a moment to understand what they had said.   
“Go ahead.”

Seungkwan nervously moved themselves closer but Vernon was losing his patience and closed the distance, capturing the older’s lips between his own. An innocent, soft, first kiss. Seungkwan’s first kiss. It was their first kiss. 

They were accepted, they were loved, they have found a home. In their best friend, their first kiss and now their first boyfriend. They loved him. They found peace in him.

(The next day at school everyone, friends and extended friends, all said ‘fucking finally’ when Seungkwan introduced Vernon as their boyfriend and went on about their day. And perhaps the teasing was worse than before. A month later Seungkwan came out to the remaining friends, receiving hugs and acceptance. All with Vernon by their side. Oh and Vernon had bought Seungkwan their favourite strawberry milk. Fitting for such a sweet person.)


End file.
